I can't actually sing, But I try damn hard.

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Coffee and Cigars night. One of my most cherished moments. 

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thethoughtsofsara: You are special (by AmyFlorence) my favorite thing on tumblr. hands down.

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yanker-malmarouk: It’s almost a year since this day, and I don’t know. I always come back to this post and smile. It makes me miss home and for some strange reason it makes me miss matt. Does that make me a bad person?  — These nights kept me alive. — I couldn’t really find a picture to describe last night. This totally isn’t me. But. It was really. Carefree. I liked it. It all began when I knew I wanted to drink. I knew EXACTLY who to call. My friend (Who I will keep nameless for the time being) said if I ever wanted alcohol he’d hook me up. And sure enough he came though. We went to Starbucks. I got a coffee to a. calm my nerves, b. because, well, I like coffee and c. because it goes really well with cigarettes. I want it understood that I do not smoke cigarettes. The one I had last night was the second one I have ever had. Anyway. We got in the car just started talking. Catching up since I hadn’t seen him in like 5 months really. He asked me a lot about his ex, who is one of my close friends (a big no no but whatever, she’s been acting really rude to me lately so I don’t even care.) which I knew was coming. It was fine. I told him what he wanted to know. We smoked, he laughed at me because I “looked like a new smoker”. I played with my hair a lot and we looked at each other a lot. He said it was like “catching a unicorn” because it so out of my character. Which is true. It’s not like me to drink or smoke. But i wanted to be numb, I didn’t want to feel so it didn’t matter. We listened to a lot of music, mixed CD’s of the ages. He told me the meanings of them all. Some had good stories, others were sad. But all were perfect. We moved my car and met at CVS because a. He needed more cigarettes and b. I needed the bathroom. After we accomplished both, we just decided to drive around and drink. Being that he is a practical alcoholic I knew I was going to be okay. So, we went about town, spilling our hearts. It was kinda lovely in some sense, to tell your story to someone that really doesn’t have much of an influence in your life. We sang, a lot. If there was a duet, I sang the girls part, he, the guys. Sometimes we screamed, and that was fun too. He said I could sing, I told him he was a liar. We laughed a lot and danced stupidly. I polished off three beers in the car. The thrill of being young and alive you know? I wanted to remember this night forever. We ended up driving to Denair and staying at a one of his friends house. Well, not really staying there, but staying outside. As I grabbed another beer from the 12 pack, conversation got heavy. Relationships and friendships. How complicated they are. I broke. Then he told me something I will remember forever, “Claire, people underestimate you. They underestimate how true of a friend you are and how much you love them. And you don’t deserve that.” I thanked him. “I’m used to it.” I said, “I am used to being used. I know you used me to find out more about her, but that’s thing thing. I didn’t care. I didn’t care at all. Because I didn’t want to feel like that anymore. I don’t want to care anymore.” Then he looked me in the eyes. “That’s not the main reason I asked you to come tonight. I knew you needed this. And I am sorry. I really am. Fuck all those guys. And do what you want.” This went on, sitting on the trunk in the moon light, drinking beers and pouring our hearts. We returned back at CVS at two in the morning. I had to drive three miles to my house. He asked me if I wanted him to drive my car. I said I could handle three miles. He said he would drive my car and walk back to his. I told him I didn’t want him walking. He ended up following me home to make sure I got there okay. Which I did. As I got out of the volvo he was already standing there waiting for me. Open Arms. I was happy, partly because of the total of six beers I drank and partly because I was just happy that he was there for me. We had a good night. “We should do this again” “Yes, yes we should” We meant it. We embraced. He was very warm, I was very sleepy. I went to my door, my brother was still up. I kept my cool. Told my parents I was home and flopped on the bed. I texted him and told is thank you for everything. He laughed and told me to get to bed. I couldn’t sleep for an hour because of the buzz, but when I managed to fall asleep I knew that tonight was one of the best nights of my life. So thank you. For everything.